Abortion after care for the mind

In addition to abortion aftercare for the body, heart, and spirit, we can also support the mind. Many patients describe guilt or shame after an abortion. People often share self-critical thoughts with lots of “should’s.”

You should have known better.
You should have been more careful.
How dare you have done this?

Typically these are not their own perceptions on sex and abortion, so we investigate where their judgements are coming from. Many times people say that the voices they hear announcing these criticisms in their mind are not their own - it's a parent or a sibling, a friend, maybe even a politician they heard on the news.

The first step is awareness that the thoughts are just… thoughts. Mindfulness teacher Tara Brach poses the question - the stories are real, but are they true? Meaning that yes, the thoughts exist, you’re really thinking them. But do you believe those thoughts are true?

So we explore what the patient really thinks and feels about abortion. One person might perceive it as a clinical procedure necessary for their health - similar to any other medical treatment. Another person may see it as an act of self compassion or self love - an honoring of their own timing and life circumstance. Someone else might envision it as a loving decision for their current or future family. Most people we work with don’t actually believe there’s anything morally or ethically wrong with someone ending an unwanted pregnancy, yet they might still experience shame.

Finally, we consider how to respond to the criticizing thoughts when they do present. You might say to yourself, “you didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” Or maybe, “I know you have your own reasons for thinking this way, but I disagree - I needed to do this for my health and well being.” And we can remind ourselves of our true feelings towards abortion.