Abortion after care for the heart

Abortion can bring up a range of emotions. Often we feel more than one at the same time. It’s complicated. Relief, joy, sadness, grief, ambivalence. All are valid and normal. It's important to allow the heart to feel whatever arises with compassion, free of judgement. We can lean on different practices and support systems to tend to the heart through a pregnancy release.

Mindfulness

Although we may feel pleasant emotions like relief after an abortion, many folks also share more challenging ones like sadness or grief. If the feeling is not too intense, it can be helpful for us to sit with the experience in a mindfulness practice. One practice that we turn to often is RAIN, taught by Tara Brach, PhD.

A detailed description of the practice can be found in the link above and a guided meditation here. In short, the practice goes as follows:

RECOGNIZE: Acknowledge what emotion/s are present. It can be helpful to quietly name them to yourself.

ALLOW: Ask yourself, can I be with this emotion? Can you allow it to be present without trying to fix or change it?

INVESTIGATE: There are many ways to investigate an emotion. For example, you might examine where you feel the emotion in your body. What sensations are present? You also might ask questions like, what does this emotion need or want from me?

NURTURE: Offer yourself a message that offers self-compassion. Maybe you need reassurance, forgiveness, or love. You might whisper to yourself, I love you. I'm with you. I'm not going anywhere. It's not your fault. You're okay, sweetheart.

Community

We briefly discussed the importance of community support in the post on abortion after care to support the body, and want to emphasize it here. Although an abortion can be such a private, personal experience, it's important to share it with trusted friends, family, or health professionals. When we meet with folks after an abortion who have not discussed it with anyone, we commonly hear that they feel as though they are carrying a heavy weight. They'll even point to their shoulders. At the end of a counseling session, they share that they literally feel much lighter. They have unloaded their burden that they never had to carry in the first place. Sharing our stories is a powerful healing tool.

Additionally, research shows that talking about an abortion with at least two trusted people is associated with less perceived stigma. Lowering stigma may help post-abortion healing and psychological well being. (PMID 31995559).

Journaling

We love the journaling prompts from The Healing Choice: Your Guide to Emotional Recovery After an Abortion by Candace De Puy, PhD and Dana Dovitch, PhD. questions inspired by them include:

By saying no to this pregnancy, what in your life are you saying YES to? What does ending this pregnancy allow you to do?
What emotions are coming up before, during, or after your abortion? Write them down. How have they shifted over time?
How have you been talking to yourself about the abortion? Does it sound like your voice? Or someone else’s voice? Who do you feel comfortable talking about your abortion with? How would they or how do they talk to you about it?

Herbs

Just like we described herbs that support the body after an abortion, there are plants that also support a tender heart. Different plants will support our emotions in different ways. For example, Red Clover, Hawthorne, and Linden midwife grief. Tulsi and Rose protect. Orange Blossom uplifts.